Let me count the ways...

How am I feeling today?
at which moment? 
the sun is shining for the first time in i-don't-know-how-long, and there is a warm breeze that finally feels like spring.  i got demoted at my therapist's today, from once a week to twice a month.  i am adjusting too well to the single life, and we don't have anything to say to each other.  so, i am feeling adjusted, warm and breezy. 

and a friend dropped in later to sing

ryan stopped by for breakfast

another thing that i am afraid i will really miss is gardening, and the fresh, organic produce i usually have in bounty.  i stopped by the farmers market after being demoted, and found these beauties.  very excited to pot them up and have my herbs and tomatoes at my fingertips soon.  I am feeling rooted, healthy, warm.

clockwise from top: tomato, rosemary, basil, lemon thyme, mint, sage and parsley

m. said yesterday that he would be home today from college, so my next step was to call and find out when he would be here.  i planned to spend the whole day with him because his dad was taking them tomorrow for easter.  he told me they were leaving today for easter, and i wouldn't see him until monday.  of course, i work all day monday, and v. will be here then as well.  i wanted some alone time with m.  we haven't really hashed out the whole separation thing yet, and, well, i miss my baby.  i'm feeling abandoned and forgotten.  and angry.

abandoned and forgotten

angry might be ok.  i might be ok.

The more things change...

When i left the house, i knew i would miss feeding the squirrels.  my friend ryan is the king squirrel.  here he is at christmas time, begging for lunch.  i worried that, since i left before spring had really arrived, they would be hungry.  we had come to depend on each other, after all.  we spend every saturday and sunday morning together; me eating breakfast in the diningroom, them eating breakfast on the patio.


being in a second floor apartment now, instead of a house with a patio, i assumed my squirrel-feeding days were put on hold until i find my new permanent home.  i bought a bird feeder as consolation, but the birds weren't interested and there it hung.  yesterday when i got home from work, the bird feeder was in pieces on the balcony, with the bird seed all over.  i assumed it was the wind, and my poor skills at hanging things.

this morning, found that, in fact, ryan had found me, and had "fixed" my squirrel feeder for me.  how kind of him. 

it turns out, all the really important things came with me.  i have my heart, and it's even a little less lonely than it was when i was not alone.  i have my soul; turns out its still there.  i have my sanity, although it took a while to unpack that one.  i have my children; yes, my family will survive this.  and i have my friends, who have all stuck around.  some of them even found me and my sunflower seeds all the way over here.

today, i'm feeling like i can do this.